As someone who works at Wilfrid Laurier University that question has recently been top of mind. News that a Laurier professor chastised their teaching assistant for wading into the transgender debate made the university the subject of national and even international attention.

To many, freedom of speech and the right for all ideas to be debated in our universities was central to this incident.  And although there have been apologies all around, the matter is far from resolved. There is still the outstanding question of how we prevent free speech from being used as a means of promoting hatred or discrimination against a vulnerable group, in this case transgendered people.

This is an important discussion that should concern us all.

I doubt, however, that most Canadians see it this way.  Rolling their eyes, many probably wrote off what happened at Laurier as simply another skirmish in the political correctness wars.  Battles between people who seem to have too much time on their hands over issues like language, culture, gender and race.  Arguments without compromise or middle ground that seem to revolve around obscure issues and involve even more obscure terminology. Debates led on both sides by people who often appear thin-skinned, humourless and self-righteous.

There is something sad about this eye rolling.  Although these debates may at times wander into the trivial, at their core they represent important issues of social justice that should be of concern to everyone.  How do we as a nation create a society where there is a true sense of acceptance and belonging?

Such a crucial question needs everyone at the table, including the eye rollers. So how do we engage ordinary Canadians?

Let me make three suggestions for those on all sides of these debates.

First, drop the sloganeering and name calling and be prepared to tell your story in a way that responds to the many questions and concerns of ordinary Canadians.  Questions that many are afraid to ask because instead of receiving answers, they instead find themselves being labelled homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic or racist.

For example, some Canadians are alarmed when they hear about adolescents or even children, who seem more confused than anything else, being allowed to identify with a different gender at a very young age against the advice of some psychiatric experts. If you are an LGBTQ activist, be prepared to discuss these issues calmly and respectfully.  And if you are concerned about the expansion of LGBTQ rights, don't avoid questions about the humanity of these individuals or jump too quickly to assert your right to unilaterally declare what is "normal'.

If Indigenous reconciliation is your cause, be ready to explain why present day Canadians should answer for actions committed by previous generations or why governments spend billions every year supporting Indigenous communities with seemingly little effect. If you are a critic of Indigenous causes, be prepared to justify a wealthy country allowing its Indigenous population to often live in sub-standard conditions and face systematic discrimination, having subjected their children to a horrific abuse through the residential school system.

Second, be prepared to be a little self-critical. Occasionally admit that some of your beliefs and actions are not necessarily the last word. Acknowledge that no minority group's behaviour has been unimpeachable throughout history and that each must bear some responsibility for some of the challenges they face.  As for conservative commentators, be honest enough to recognize the many flaws of our current society where a child's race and square footage of their home is often a huge predictor of how they will succeed in life.

Third, treat the other side with some respect.  Because someone holds a different view doesn't make them evil.  Trying to understand their perspective, no matter how difficult you may find it, may go a long way to making progress on an issue. As the Professor at the centre of the firestorm at Laurier wrote in an open letter of apology to his teaching assistant: "Maybe we ought to strive to reach across all of our multiple divisions to find points where we can... air multiple perspectives, and embrace the diversity of thought. And maybe I have to get out of an “us versus them” habit of thought to do this myself..."

And don't always be so ready to pounce when the other side does or says ridiculous things. Realize that we live in a very noisy world where groups often resort to the outrageous just to be noticed by the media or public.  Remember the words of Krister Stendhal, the Lutheran Bishop and Harvard theologian, who advised those trying to understand another faith not to "compare your best to their worst."

And finally, have a sense of humour.  No, there is nothing funny about discrimination or oppression. But even in the grimmest circumstances, the ability to laugh, particularly at yourself, can break down some pretty formidable barriers.

John Milloy is a former MPP and Ontario Liberal cabinet minister currently serving as the Director of the Centre for Public Ethics and assistant professor of public ethics at Waterloo Lutheran Seminary, and the inaugural practitioner in residence in Wilfrid Laurier University's Political Science department. He is also a lecturer in the University of Waterloo's Master of Public Service Program.  John can be reached at [email protected] or follow him on Twitter @John_Milloy.